I was infatuated with the thought of love through the lens of materialistic gains. In contrast he used gifts and being flashy to impress and lure me in. All to find out that was the only “love” language we spoke to one another. Neither could express emotions without being abusive. I would often find myself fighting a situation by distancing myself and creating lies to either impress him or avoid abuse that would potentially follow the situation. He would often express his version of love through charming language, aggressive approach in Loving hard, and controlling behaviors. Im now in a conditioned box where Im afraid to make any mistake that may cause embarrassment and/or abuse. I would do anything to please this man who now had complete control over my thought process and behavior. Overall the relationship grew while feelings deepen and abusive worsen. I had to find out how and channeled all my internal resources. I decided to go back to school out of state, when I got accepted into the school of my choice, I quickly left town and never returned.